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Showing posts from July, 2013

Loneliness/Don't you need?

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I know at this writing that there are others who understand how I feel at times.  That state of feeling completely, utterly alone in a world full of people.  The emptiness, the depression, the sadness of being that sinks to my soul.  The wondering, the searching -- the pain in the endless question, "will I be like this the rest of my life?"

I was lying in the tanning bed last night, it had been storming earlier, raining for the past few days two ... crying.  I know what I feel it a normal result of a lack of human contact - and a missing basic need.  Chances are, it's more than one.  Love and belonging.  It's a basic need.  Food, shelter,  I have those things, (praise God) however I lack people in my life.  I have no sisters, I'm not close (that's putting it nicely) with my brothers, and all other family is far away - and we don't interact much.  I have one or two very close friends, but they have full families, and busy schedules.  They don't know …

Closer to Divine

I adore this song.  I adore these women.  I saw them in Minneapolis in the 90's.  Listening to them brings back precious memories of times that were so fresh and free.  

As this song says, "The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine."  How true that is.  

I've been at such unrest lately.  Struggling to figure out the why's and where fore's.  I know that everything we go through in life has reason -- and lesson.  However, I also know that sometimes it just takes time and quiet for the answers to come.  It seems the harder I dig, the more disquiet I become.  I grow farther from God.  I cannot hear His voice, and it is His voice that I want to hear.  

I don't know what it is about the human mind, that relies upon itself.  Where we get that we have to do this life thing on our own.  It actually takes work, a steady practice to keep God in my life.  I don't admit that easily.  I guess that comes from an analytical mind.  A 'fig…

Ramblings of an unquiet mind........

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I've been trying to settle my mind enough to write for the last three days.  I have so much in my head.  I've not written in so long - several things have transpired - job loss, relationships, emotional turmoil, beginnings, and endings.  I've ran into toxic people.  You know the kind.  The ones that either make you want to cut you're own throat, or theirs.  I've done some things 'unbecoming' of myself.   Nothing drastic, but things that I wrestle with in my spirit today, and yesterday.

I struggle with relationships that are difficult.  I am a creature of peace.  I do NOT like discord.  I avoid it at all cost.  It is not because I cannot take proper care of myself, but because I do have a dark side, just like everyone else.  Buttons get pushed, things get said that cannot be taken back - and there's inappropriate behavior at times.  I'm one of those persons too - that things don't always 'hit' me right away -- it might take me a minute o…