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Showing posts from April, 2017

Pray When it Hurts the Most.

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It's been a little while since I've written.  Much has transpired.  There is just no way that I can communicate everything - but I will certainly attempt to hit the high points... and those things that have been most meaningful for me.  I do this in hopes that I can impart something of value to you...through my experience.  This is my prayer.

I've still been in a deep place of what feels like a devastating "draught", a lack of human companionship up until these last few days.  Despite my attempting to initiate some volunteer opportunities, other than those that are paid to interact with me, I have had little contact with people.  I have been to a few places, the V.A., the library, and a nursing home close to me - in hopes of obtaining a volunteer position, with no luck.  I did get a response from the nursing home, but I got sick and couldn't go - and of course I felt bad, and didn't go back.  I need to reconnect with the woman that I saw, because there…

To the Table

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Zach Williams "To the Table"

I"m really down today - I'm not sure why - having a hard time just getting around, but as I do - God's music motivates me.  I really wanted to share this one with all of you.  Zach has really impacted me these last few months.  As I've struggled, in my christianity - and my addiction, feelings of worthiness - and my attempts to feel whole.  I think we all grapple with wanting to be "normal" what ever that really is.  But for me, the days --- not much unlike today, when I crawl out of bed and I'm in so much pain that my only motivating thoughts are to "get meds"... it doesn't make for a real great day.  It has me feeling weak, dependent, and small.  When I allow myself to ponder all of the physical things that I am battling, depression really sets in.  I have to fight it with every breath.

I do have to work harder than the average person to motivate myself to do most things.  Even to do something as s…