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Showing posts from January, 2013

Gratitude~Pain

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Gratitude: The quality of being thankful.  It arises from the heart.  It is a condition of the mind and heart.  It makes one appreciate people, places and things.  Simple things - hot water.  Good food.  Roofs over our heads.  It is very basic for me, it is the manner in which I choose to live.  It is an attitude.  A mindset.

My first thought upon waking is usually about pain.  This is because I live in pain.  I deal with it everyday, 24 hours a day.  Except when I'm sleeping.  The first thing, most generally, I do is get my medicine - unless I turn on the coffee pot on the way.  Do I like living in such a manner?  No.  Alas, this is the hand that I've been dealt.  So one much assimilate.  The medicine only works to a point - and I must deal with the rest.  I must deal with it whether I'm cooking, driving, sitting, standing, working, or resting - because it is always there.  Someone once told me to befriend it - and I guess I have.

We have choices in life, many we do not eve…

Faith/Freedom

I'm heading into a direction in my life that I never thought I'd venture into again.  It's a miracle, actually.  After everything that I've been through, the course that my life is taking, is nothing short of a personal miracle. 

They happen, miracles.  If we but look.  Sometimes small, sometimes large - but they are out there.  I think a person has to be open to them, and ready to receive.  I think it takes an open heart.  An expectant heart.  Not the kind of "expectations", where we are demanding of God - not like this - but more in a humble manner.  One filled with give and take.  One who's life is like that of the tree - who bends and arks with the winds of life.  The subtle changes of it's vibrancy.  

I've been through a great deal of changes.  Even crisis's one would say.  Personal hell.  More than once, I've had to start from bottom up.  I still say, if we have noting to loose, we have everything to gain.  This is where the real lesso…

Unblocking the Heart.

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I'm learning how to feel the pain as I go.  Instead of closing my heart in constant fear, I'm learning how to process things in the order in which they happen.  It's a burning sensation, and it does not kill me.  For this is what I feared - that the emotion would be my end.  So I barricaded myself up - like fort Knocks, in anticipation of emotion.  The only problem is, I lived in a constant state of fear.  Fear is not the way I want to live.  Fear of every encounter - fear - even in my own living environment.  

Shallow breath.  Tightened shoulders.  A magnified mind.  Watching my own thoughts.  That crushing feeling in my chest - so tight at times, I felt as if I'd have a heart attack.  Anxiety.  These are the things of fear.  Fear of what?  Fear of whom?  I did not even know.  Problems of the day - to the point of feeling ill inside.  Panic.  Feelings of severe distress.  All inside my mind.  A mind that I'd somehow told to safeguard my heart - from life.  How can …

Living life ~ Open Perspective.

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Fear is more than just an emotion.  As I have been observing in life, it blocks our thought life - and perception.  It can, and does change everything once we become aware of it.  At it's inception, it alters our lives.  From how we view and interact with people, to how we perceive life.  It feeds upon itself, and it protects itself.  We lose a lot of valuable energy, because of fear.  

I'm discovering that I have much more trepidation in life that I'd once thought.  I've become enlighten by a book that I'm now reading - and I'm trying to live with my heart open.  To experience life from the entire process without getting sucked into the fear vacuum.  

It's very odd, this "fight or flight" response that we all have, that we don't actually need any longer - but our bodies still regularly use it.  It becomes habitual.  It's as if our systems thinks we're animals, that need to flee.  So we freak out on potholes, broken nails, or people that…

Fighting Battles, Living Life

Life,  It seems at times, is a series of battles.  I suppose it is a matter of perception - one could call it challenges, but either way, the climb is uphill.  An enlightened soul tries to do these things with an open heart.  Energy only flows through an open heart.  Once we loose focus, and our thinking becomes static - our wealth of energy is cut off.  Our thoughts race, and our whole lives seem to stop.  We have a block in the flow of our lives.  We no longer see beauty - our consciousness is no longer in tune with nature, moon light, and flowers.  It struggles for a solution and thus we become the problem.  It chains, dare I say, even our breath.  

My dispute with this is, I want to go on living despite my provocation.  If an individual is aware of the closing of the heart - that which shuts itself off during difficulties- then it can reopen.  I am not the sum total of the bumps in the road...  I want to keep seeing the trees in the forest.  

I have a few things going on.  All of wh…