Love stretches us. It can't but not. There are just things, aspects of ourselves that can only be irradiated when we are in relationship with another person. Nasty aspects of ourselves at that - bits of our personalities that we didn't even knew would rear their ugly heads... They pop up while under stress, fatigue, and duress. Something gets said, or crankiness sets in, and someone's feelings get hurt. One or the other of you have let something leak our of the old stream of consciousness that just didn't need to be said -- you're filter didn't function properly. You've said one of the things that you'd even get on to yourself for thinking... and holy moly - it actually came out of your mouth. Ah crap, now you've done it. You've hurt someone that you love.
Heidi and I both have illnesses. This makes it difficult to be or have the ability to have a consistent life. When I feel okay - she might not. I have chronic pain and assorted oddities.... Heidi has Lupus and problems with both knee's. We have our hands full... but one thing that we have is compassion for each others malady. I however am a pusher -- with the pain I've just had to learn to keep going despite it and if I absolutely cannot - then I can't. Heidi on the other hand, has to reserve her energy as to not become or stay ill. We're different people in this aspect. She can't push, pushing makes her sick.
When we encounter anything that is totally different from our everyday reality - we reject it. Right off the bat. "Don't like that." "That's not how it's supposed to be done." A denial of sorts sets in as we attempt to deal with the new, to assimilate it into our reality. Sometimes if the change is too severe, we will have a cognitive response that is called 'cognitive dissonance.' This is when the mind just totally cannot deal with the reality (consciousness) of the new information.... and flat rejects it. It's sort of like (on a small scale) if you were to be on your merry way to work and encounter a new stop sign. It would be totally out of place, and cause you to question it's purpose in this world. If there wasn't need for it the last time that you drove through - what is it doing here now? Sometimes things, new things just don't make sense. To our programed minds anyway. It can be this way with many things in life, on multiple scales if enough change is introduced into an individuals life.
Now, none of these things are negative, they just are. Our minds are very peculiar things. We like to think we're on autopilot and that we got it all covered, but there are times when the mind will have moments when it just will not process new information.
Despite human frailty - despite flaws, cutting remarks - love prevails. One has to look to the person and the circumstance. We are a compilation of our past - even though we don't have to live in it. Things take time - give yourselves time. Know that if your partner has said something hurtful - if he or she is a good person - chances are they didn't mean it - and try and work through it.
There are going to be things that you are only going to workout with another person. Aspects of your self that will only arise in relationships. Know yourself enough to have a clue what those issues are. Then when they rear their ugly heads, you won't be devastated. You can give your partner a heads up. It can get kind of hairy sometimes.... but love bears all things. That isn't just a saying on a pillow. I was raised with parents that stayed together for 50 years.... I don't commit easily nor on a whim. Things need to be talked about with dignity and respect - like you love each other. Be a person of word and deed. Is it hard work? Oh yeah.... you bet. Has anything in your life that you really endeavored to attain easy?
Love expands us. It's beautiful really. Life looks different, feels different, is different. Honor it - protect it, cherish it. Fight for what you know and have passion in your heart for. Never give up when you know beyond reason that the fire is alive, do everything that you can to keep it stoked. Speak gently - love boldly.
Keep it and life Precious........................