It's going to stop. I'm not longer going to engage. It's just that simple. It's ungodly. I think that people like to bring you to this place - and enjoy seeing you in such an out of control state - for it allows them to throw it in your face. I suppose rightly so. But anyone, anywhere when pushed to such limits - will respond. Alas, it takes two. I'm just not going to go there anymore.
I'm almost packed, and almost out of my current situation. There's barely a few days left. Even though I'm being pushed emotionally - it is not about me, the lies and the drama are almost over. I will never place myself in such a position again.
I believed lies on top of lies, and I was gullible. No more. If I've lost some innocence in this, so be it. Perhaps this has been what it's taken for God to wake me up to the evil in this world. I didn't want to believe that it existed, but man, do I ever now. I've never met such a liar. Well, besides my middle brother. But, I digress.
I give my emotions to God today. I can't handle them right now. I'm in the middle of something that I really can't control - and He has to be my guiding force. I lay aside my wounds, my anger, my rage, and give it all to Him. He has to manage my emotions, because I cannot. Not when I'm being lied to and lied about. Liars enrage me. God put truth in me and I don't know how to handle such dishonesty. This doesn't make me weak, or frail. These trials will make me stronger and wiser. I will rest in God's goodness, and default my emotional reactions. It is the only way that I'm going to get through these last few days - for I have been facing evil, evil that is trying it's best to suck me into it's web.
Once I am away from this situation, I will learn - and apply what I've learned to my life. That is what God intends for us to do and be - eternal students of life. And for us to do everything that we can to exhibit His character. I've not been doing that so well as of late - and this make me very sad. I'm going to walk as closely with Him today as I possibly know how -- and listen to His voice inside of me. He knows it all.. He will deliver me from this, this madness.
Getting involved with an ungodly person was my first mistake -- and it was a bad one. I'm still paying consequences. Not consequences from God - because there is no condemnation in Christ - but only the choices that we make. Free will sometimes is a curse. It leads to much displeasure in situations such as these.