Monday, July 14, 2014

Faith is Home Part 2

I have good news!  I have begun the process of purging my life.  I've only smoked one cigarettes in three days, and the other behaviors have just been stopped.  I did go and see my pastor - and he agreed with me, that if the Lord spoke to me (it's always a great thing to hear from the holy spirit, and praise God for it) then I need to take heed.  He was very pleased, and assured me that it did not sound like it was anything that I was trying to do to assure my salvation.  This is so important to me because I'm a grace christian - and I do not believe in dead works, my salvation was and is paid for in Christ Jesus -- in full.  So, I'm on my way!!!  I've felt sort of surreal, during the nicotine withdrawal, and have had to have some help - and I have been supplementing my e-cigarette.  I won't do that forever, just for right now. I've smoked since I was eleven years old, and trust you me it is no simple feat for me to quit.  I'm a hard-wired smoker.  Not to say that the grace of God can't take it all away in an instant, because He can!  When the time is right, I'll quit all together.

I have more good news. I have found a job.  Yes, it came to me from a friend in church.  I knew that I had to get one, but I never expected God to deliver it this way.  It's perfect.  I'll have to miss church this week, but I'm not complaining!  It meets all my needs - I don't have to stand up a lot and can sit down as I need to - I actually get to cook for someone - which I love... and do some light cleaning.  I couldn't have asked for a better situation.  Praise God!!

I also have a kitten now too.  I named her Grace.  "Gracie" is just a little stripped kitty that showed up at my car, half starved and meowing.  She is so cute, and so loving.  She has pretty yellow eyes.  I'll try and post a picture of her if I can.  She is also just what I needed, and God knew.  He knew that I needed something to love that would love me back that I could take good care of.   I've  never known a kitten to be so loving, she crawls up on my lap and then walks her way up my chest and goes to sleep.  She purrs a lot... and I like that.  I couldn't really afford her right now, but I just made a way -- she is so adorable.

Things are falling into place beautifully.  The more I honor God, the more beautiful my life gets.  I suppose that it has to do with perspective too -- there are still lots of things that I need, and I'm really short on money and it's just the 12th.  It's okay - as with the sparrows, I know who takes care of me.  He knows the number of hairs on my head, He is sitting at the end of my life - watching over me.  I want my faith to please Him.  I hope that it does.

I talked to my pastor, and we had such a good talk.  I told him about the experience that I had at Hastings a few weeks back and that God just keeps sending me opportunities to pray for people.  Pastor said that this is when you have evidence that the Lord is working in your life... when He sends you needful souls.  But there is the other part too, where God is doing a work in me.  He's moulding me -- into the kind of child that is pleasing to Him.  Pastor prayed that God present me with more opportunities to minister to people... and I'm all for that.  I know that this is why I needed to let the things go that I needed to let go, for we must lead by example.

A few days later... I've not smoked a cigarette in 7 whole days and I had my first day at work.  It is everything that I hoped it would be and  more so.  The time just flew by, being that I'm working 24 hour shifts.  I'm SO pleased.  I was worried about leaving Gracie, and she did break something dear to me, but it's okay she's just being a kitten.  She was so glad to see me she came running when I got home.  What a welcome!!!

I go today to become a young man's guardian and mentor.  I know that it's going to be a challenge, but I also know that God has placed this young man in my life for a reason - it's good for him and good for me.  This has been part of the purging in my life, to lead by example.  We see the lawyer at 1:00 today.  And get this, I'm good friends with the lawyer!!!

Ah, my life.  I'm so blessed, beyond word and truly beyond my ability to convey.  I just hope that someone somewhere reads my blog and can know from my experience - that hardship isn't the end.  In all actuality if we but have faith and are faithful to the Lord it is only the beginning of beautiful things.  Praise Him in your struggles, and He will reward your faithfulness.  I have had times when things were so bad in my life that I have just been sobbing - and I've not known anything else to do but praise God.  I know unequivocally that he heard every word, and he caught every tear.  He is that kind of compassionate God.  His mercy is so vast.  Far beyond our earthly comprehension.  He flung the stars into existence - knows them by name... how can we comprehend Him?  And it is not so much that we love Him, but that He first loved us.  A love we cannot even imagine.  Lest, we must try.

It feels good to be free from the things that we holding me down.  I have such hope.  I'm basically drunk on it, but what a thing to be drunk on?  I still have circumstances that are not all in a  pretty little row -- but I'm bursting with happiness in my heart.  All good things come to those that love the Lord. Find some hope today - look for God working in your life... because He is there.  Watch for little miracles... because they do happen.  We have become so life focused that we forget the Heavenly's.  Smell flowers, open doors for people, smile, simply put goodness into the universe.  See what comes back to you.  The more you do it, the more fantastic it feels.  We are human beings, not human doings.  Let your light shine... live from your heart.  It's an amazing way to live.

I'm home.  If you knew me, you'd know what that means.  You would know how very precious it is to me.  What a journey I've had to take to get here.  Alas, that is all behind me now.  I have everything that I need... and yet there are material things that I don't have... but they are just that, material things.  God will provide in time.  It so reminds me, this time in my life of the promises in the A.A. Big Book of Alcoholic's Anon.  I must say, "I'm happy, joyous, and free!"  Praise God!!!!

                                                    Ms. Gracie doing what she loves most!

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