We had a different Pastor Wed. night at or church - and he was amazing. He preached on what it meant for him to be "in grace." It was so beautiful. He inspired me so. I've been struggling quite a bit, as of late. As those of you know that read my blog - I'm trying to let go of the old dreams and beliefs if you will - of marriage. This is not an easy feat. However, I've not given it much thought as of late. I know that I need to, I need to do that inner work, and I will - I guess I've identified it, but just not all the way ready. I have a chance to do some grief work, and I'm going to take it if it fully comes to fruition.
I've had several eye opening things happen the past week. Several blessings, and some sad events. Yet, I'm more and more convinced that the less that I focus on my circumstances, the better off that I am. I so feel reborn everyday, in grace. I could write about it for what seems lifetimes. I had the grand blessing of having lunch with a friend, just off the cuff today - and we discussed just that - and she's just learning about grace. As I witnessed to her (praise God for the opportunity) I found myself with chills twice. Oh how I wish that everyone knew of the joy, the ineffible joy of that which I speak.
Having the knowledge that I'm not under the law of sin and death any longer - has given me a freedom from shame, worry, anxiety, fear, angst, ETC! I used to live under such condemnation. And all the while the bible told me "there is therefore no condemnation in Christ Jesus." But no one ever taught me this. No one ever really taught me that I have the mind of Christ. Or that I or now have been adopted into His family. That He calls me friend. I knew that He laid down His life for me, but I never really understood what this meant. I never knew that the handwriting of ordinances was nailed to the cross with Him. Nor did I have any idea what that meant! It was the law of sin and death! I had not had it explained to me that we were no longer under the old covenant. How sad this is. How burdened I was. How horribly burdened I was, and how "do good to get good", I tried to live my life. I was a sinner. Period, saved by grace and that was all that I knew -- and that wasn't even safe, because when I sinned, God turned His face from me. No wonder people turn there backs on God, they think He turns His face from them!!!
I'm free today. Free because my Savior Finished the work! There is nothing that I can do, or need to do that can add anything to that -- and how arrogant, and ridiculous to thing (for me) that we could help God? How much power do we really think that we have? Ah, but we do have power. Just not to add to what Jesus did!
Now you might as what does that have to do with my growing? EVERYTHING!! Because my hope is in Him. My life, everlasting. I have Christ inside of me in the form of the holy spirit - all of us do -- the moment that we accepted Christ - and He is changing me. He is changing me from the inside out. AS only He can do. I so used to believe that it was up to me to do the changing but I've since learned that it is Christ that does the evolving. My sprit man grows because of Christ inside of me, the hope of glory. I'd share the gospel with anyone that would listen and by gospel - I mean "good news." I've repented - changed my mind about who I am, what I have, and what I can do. Christ answers prayer. The bible say's, all that we have to do is to but ask.
Now I can take the time to go back and prop all of this up with scripture, but I write this for inspiration - hope, faith, it is not written to sway nor convince anyone of anything. It is of my experience. I hope it enlightens, and the main thing for me is that I write that of what the holy spirit puts on my heart - from the heart. I truly believe what is written of the heart, is heard with the heart. I do not have to "prove" anything today. It just isn't about this for me. The statement, "It Is Finished!" - is in perfect tense, it was, it is, and it will always be! Praise God! If one knows what that means, hallelujah!!! Then intent is to witness straight out of my heart, and I do that each and every time I write.
The word intent has hit me as of late. Intentions. My mind swirls with thought on this....to be continued....
I have this image in my desktop. I meditate on it. It is mindful to me as beautiful as it is, that one might just join Christ on the water as Peter did hand in hand with Jesus. My mind gravitates to when Jesus lets go. Can I find rest in my faith alone? Can if find solace with my spirit man? Will there be more rain, or is the storm breaking? Am I on solid rock? Knowing what I know must merge with my heart, or I only protest. Can I walk this out? My mind and my heart, resoundingly say - yes, I can. I will trust as I wait for new doors and pathways to emerge - and for my Lord to reveal answers that I seek. I will hold fast for the glory of God. As sure as the sun rises in the east, and the birds beacon the new day before the sun's rise - God will unveil the promises in my life. I proclaim this with joy in my heart!!! With gratitude in my soul. Tenderness and new mercies arise on my heart... I love my Lord. What a journey I have been on, and how immeasurably I am blessed. Praise God!!! I thank God in advance for all that He is doing that I have not the foresight to see, but know in my heart, and trust. My heart burst with expectation because of the love of my Lord!!!
My Savior is at rest, how can I not be? One would think with all of these questions I'm not at rest. It is just not so. I am naturally inquisitive. I suppose it a childlike quality that I have. I bubble with energy mentally at times - I wish it were physical! Albeit, I like who I am in Christ, and that is all one could really hope for. I know that people don't get me, however, I'm content in my world. I praise God for this mind, evolving as it is....
may the Lord of my life, my Beloved continue to refine me, and hone me according to His will. Amen.