Posts

Showing posts from May, 2016

Blessings beyond the pain.

Image
It's been quite awhile since I've written.  Many things have transpired.  My stent has been removed from my kidney - and there's some post pain - but nothing like I've had.  I thing all together I had six ER visits throughout the ordeal.  Plus, my boss politely, (and I say that kindly) as I got my nails done, let me go...stating that I just wasn't able to do the job.  This was a total switch from his telling me to completely heal 100% prior to returning to work, as though he was actually concerned for my wellbeing.  I'd went in to retrieve my very small pay, and get my nails done - and although my nail services had been being free..... he charged me, leaving me with a whopping $12.00.  How kind of him.....  I was really shocked, and somewhat dismayed.  I suppose - such is life.  So here I am, on the mend with no employment and so little money it is actually funny.  Yet, I'm feeling so much better emotionally - I have faith that everything will be just dandy…

Lost lives.

I have mixed emotions today.  This has always been a difficult day for me -- having had the childhood that I had.  I realize that I won't be anyone's favorite when I admit that I really dislike Mother's day.  For me, it evokes much distain.  Having had a mother that was mentally ill, cruel, and with such a duality - as much as I wish it hadn't; my mother affected my life quite adversely.  I've never liked Mother's day.  I'd search for hours sometimes trying to find a damn card that said anything near the truth to our flimsy relationship - in all reality it was a love - hate one at best.  Hallmark doesn't really make cards that requite those feelings.  "Dear Mom, I love you --- despite the fact that I have HUGE amounts of time that I can't recall or remember due to your demonic character......"  Those aren't sold on the shelves.  It was a complex relationship at best, I did love her, it was just "scary" love.  Love filled with…

Hope in Healing.

I had an epiphany yesterday... as I read my bible and pondered many things.  My life feeling quite broken and empty.  Life has been full of pain and confusion - fear and mistrust, I found a glimmer of hope inside my prayers as I finished my morning's activities.  If when attempting to heal, you're just bombarded by more and more problems instead of answers, it isn't a healing's way.  I had been following a woman's work about being a damaged daughter, and the depth of the carnage continued to pile up.  I continued to seek answers for my wounds - and there seemed to be none.  Not concrete answers anyway -- every-time I turned around there were further posts on damage, but no real cure... I had begun to over identify with the wounds.  I will not be a "wounded woman"... for I have overcome far too much in my life, and I serve God of the Most High - and my beliefs are not in alignment with this vein of thought.  Again, my intellect is my own worst enemy.  I be…