To the Table


Zach Williams "To the Table"

I"m really down today - I'm not sure why - having a hard time just getting around, but as I do - God's music motivates me.  I really wanted to share this one with all of you.  Zach has really impacted me these last few months.  As I've struggled, in my christianity - and my addiction, feelings of worthiness - and my attempts to feel whole.  I think we all grapple with wanting to be "normal" what ever that really is.  But for me, the days --- not much unlike today, when I crawl out of bed and I'm in so much pain that my only motivating thoughts are to "get meds"... it doesn't make for a real great day.  It has me feeling weak, dependent, and small.  When I allow myself to ponder all of the physical things that I am battling, depression really sets in.  I have to fight it with every breath.

I do have to work harder than the average person to motivate myself to do most things.  Even to do something as simple as take a shower, or prepare a meal.  I hate to  p u s h.  And to be brutally honest,  there's been many times that I've questioned God why this is?  For those of you that think that we cannot dare question God, I say - I think He can handle it.  But then again, those dreaded "why" questions are useless.  For whatever reason, and this goes for your burdens too--- this is our life.  It most defiantly is up to us how we choose to deal with it/them.

I, myself have made a great many mistakes in my life.  The word "sin" broken down into the greek, means -"to miss the mark".  Sin and it's connotations really aren't as devilish - or evil as most people think.  This is not to say that there aren't really evil and devilish people in the world, because we all know that there are.  But for sake of my writing - the times that we make mistakes, or "miss the mark" with our behaviors, and what we do to ourselves on the inside -- it is often much, much worse than anything God would ever do to us.  We so often feel shame, guilt, anguish, separation, and even devastation because of the mistakes that we make.  We have been led to believe that God turns away from us when we fail.  Let me tell you, this is just not true.  It never has been.  I can say this because - there has always been forgiveness.  There's always been grace.  God knew when Eve ate the apple that we were going to be flawed.  As the song says (and I hope you listen to it carefully) there isn't anything that you've done that He hasn't heard before...

I wrote last time about shame.  Shame is like a fungus.  It loves the dark.  It lives to keep you imprisioned.  It has some big, scary, frightful feelings associated with it.  I know, I lived with it for many years.  But I also know that it can be healed.  Even if it has to happen in baby steps.  The course of action - matters little.  My hope will always be- that you comprehend and digest that God/Jesus are the epitome of Love.  Do you know that this is what we were put on earth, what we were created for???  For God to love us.  It's really that simple --- and that awesomely, amazingly beautiful.  It inspires such AWE and majesty inside of me most times that I get chill bumps.  Nobody, and I mean nobody, not even your mom or dad loves you that much.  It is just more than we can even fathom.

He is the sole creator of the emotion --- LOVE.

So, I hope that give you pause today.  My hope is that you'll join me in bringing your burdens, sorrows, flaws, problems, difficulties --- whatever the case may be -- to the table to HIM today.  It's so worth it.  You'll be made new.  You'll find hope and strength you didn't know existed.  In exchange for your sorrows, He will give you unending peace - joy - life everlasting.

Won't you come to the table?  My hope will always be -- that you do.  God Bless YOU!


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