"Being must be felt. It cannot be thought." Eckhart Tolle
Each and every one of us ...at some point in our lives reach a particular juncture in which the elements and or circumstances have risen to a point where we can no longer continue to cope. It seems that we've pulled every coping rabbit out of our proverbial hat --- even used some that we didn't know that we had in us-- only to find... that life has more in store for us, yet and still. Life seems to have just asked too much of us, and our brains cannot, in all good conceptual thinking skills, accept what is taking place. Yet we must keep going forward despite our feelings, the depth at which we are hurting, feel as if we've totally emotionally as well as mentally collapsed.
My beloved Psychologist is leaving the center where I see him on Fridays. I just learned of this information at the end of our last session. This news was entirely unwanted. I was not in anyway expecting it, however, it did not shock me. I am though, the type of person that has worked long and hard to not "react" to situations or circumstances - things have an impact on me much later. And boy did it ever. I felt the impact of it of course when I was alone at home by myself. Then it absolutely began to seem that so much trauma has piled up that my life was much akin a massive multiple car crash on any given highway. Anger, that nasty resentment, and pure pessimism erupted my being. This is odd for not often do I feel such things but I spewed it out to a few others in my angst - and this I hardly ever do. I knew then, I'd reached an end.
As I laid crying, I ask God for help.
This is a monumental change for me. I have rarely thought to ask God for help when I'm deeply hurt. I have never really understood why - I've written about it - pondered it and deeply questioned my faith. What I have understood is that it's fairly normal for us to retreat when in pain from God. However, under this particular weight of life, I didn't. I think I knew it was more than I could handle. And matter of fact - it surely is.
I needed a miracle.
I had been scooting around the apartment Sunday - I wasn't able to go to church - I fell and hurt my hip Friday night. I had been in so much pain, I could barely get around the house. I happened to think that Super Soul Sunday on the OWN channel was on - which I adore. I have gained so much insight from this program and the Master Class program -- it's amazing. I wanted to use one of the images, however, I wouldn't like to get sued. LOL.
At any rate, Eckhart Tolle was on. I love his work. I only caught about half of the program, however, it was enough. Oprah and he were discussing his book "A New Earth". I was so excited because I have this book. Now, I am not advocating every concept that is in this book. There are concepts that I will adhere to, and those I will not. We learn in life to take what is needed and leave the rest. It is a great lesson in life. Now some will accept and some will not. Some folks will be willing to take in new information, and others will not. This is life - and how we perceive it.
So, I started reading... I have been trying to decipher in my mind how I can explain this in a nutshell. What I discovered is that particularly pertaining to my Therapist, he is not mine. He never was. The moment we see something as ours - we identify with it. It becomes a part of our identity. It "enhances" our being, so to speak. Now, this can be a car, a house, or a job. From infancy - we are taught - "me", "mine", and so forth, about things. Just let someone take those things from us. See what happens. We learn from the beginning to identify with things as we do people. I do it more so with people because of my childhood and the neglect that I experienced with my mother. I will get more into this aspect later because we are not what we've gone through. (Praise God!!!)
This was HUGE information to me. I had identified myself with Doc. Think about how we all identify ourselves with the "things" that we have. How important "things" have become in this world. It's insane. Insatiable. There's never enough... and this goes right back to the core of my shopping issues. And so much more. So much as been illuminated. So many people could benefit from this book.
God gives us what we need. He gives us what we need, exactly when we need it. Whatever you may be needing may not come to you when you believe you need it - it will come in God's time. I don't actually know but I propose that it might be because God know's no space or time. Doctor - was never "mine". He was with me for a season - just like everything else is a season in our lives. He was on loan to me, for a while. And I so grateful. He has helped me immensely. I will grieve. It's just part of the process. People will come and go, and I have to learn that they aren't mine. As hard as this might be. Feelings are a huge part of life - it is our guiding light. How many of my clients have I told that to? Counselor, take heed.
Thank you, Jesus.