I've had the pleasure of being in someone's presence who calms my heart,a few times in my life. I consider it an honor. Those rare person's whom seem to hold your heartbeat in their eyes. They just make breathing, easier. They enlarge the heart. Everything that you experience, a gift. A gift, straight from Heaven. No matter where you go nor what you do -- there is such a sublime specialness to it, just to be near them. Most often times, they are not even aware.
We live in a world that seems to support nondisclosure of such feelings. It's just too raw. It leaves the heart to wide open, most would say -- for hurt. Yet, the life that I live and believe in -- does not allow me to hide behind such walls. If there's ever been great loss -- one is almost pressed, to make full disclosure. As I live and breathe, I have made it my passion to tell the people that I love, that I love them. Most would consider it naive - reckless even - I call it being living life. If we never open ourselves up, or take a risk, we do not live life to it's fullest. I want life -- and all that it has to offer me on earth.
I'm learning in the experience of unconditional love - even romantic love, it is not about possessing another person. It is not about having to make him or her "mine," in matters of the heart. I believe in order to fully love someone, heart and soul - we have to be willing to let go. We have to accept situations, circumstances for what they are, and people for who they are. Therein lies the gift of loving. I don't have to "own" someone to love them with all my heart. The desire is there, but I don't arrange the conditions, God does. The love is free for me to feel. Not everyone can comprehend this, nor wants to. I just believe in order to love someone, we must give them the freedom to choose. Their choices are separate from me. As well, their love may not be as vast.
I honor this in myself, it has taken me a very long time to obtain this comprehension. People come and people go -- but their spirits reside in us forever. We leave marks upon each other, that last a lifetime. Our relationships never fully end, unless we fail to mend. It is in the mending of the heart - and the management of our ego needs, that allows us to free the individual. We cannot possess another's heart, we can only reside in it. The more freedom we give each other, the more aptly we place that person in the position to experience miracles. Miracles are a change in how we view our world, both inner and outer. Love sets us free. Free to grow, change, expand, and to obtain depth of spirit. It calls us to our Creator. For this is from which all love flows. It is the ultimate love. As is loving oneself. I love myself and I'm free to love others much more deeply. Much more freely. It is much like planting a seed -- nurturing it -- allowing it to grow -- and eventually watching it become what it was destined to be. It is as love, pure in it's highest form, is.
I will spend time with this individual soon. I'm as anticipant as a child awaiting Christmas. All the while, ever trying to watch expectation - but expecting beauty of the day. This is what I anticipate. To honor our time together - an to cherish every moment. To feel every feeling. To breathe the breath of love, and to hide behind nothing. To celebrate who we are, and how much we've grown. I've been told that I'm setting myself up to get hurt - and that I should think more of myself - however, the truth is, I do think highly of myself. I go for the gusto of life. I live it as it is, for what it is. Do I wish, hope, and dream? I'd not be human, if I did not. However again, I relinquish the fear that most people have in fully living life. I'd much rather touch beauty, than to deny it.
We interact with the world in such a manner that expresses our spirits, and it's wholeness. Will there be some pain involved? I'm certain of it. Albeit -- this is not a dressed rehearsal. What I live for today, the wonder I seek, the love I allow myself to feel -- just increases the experiences of my lifetime. I choose not to deny myself love, even if it's limited to a few hours. It's still love. It still exists even though two persons may part. The quilt in the fabric of my life will have brilliant colors -- I will have no regrets. I will have had a glimpse of God's immeasurable beauty, because I made no excuses for fear. Fear and love cannot coexist. One tries to control the other. The woman that I am, will always choose love.