One may scoff, decide not to read - but I write to those who will. I write to all, for there might be one, just one that's curious enough to see, why? I've got lots, oodles and oodles of whys.
Christ has changed my life, one hundred and eighty degrees. If you've read previous blogs, you know where I came from - a life filled with stress, resentment, anger, distrust, and addiction. I even at times despised my own mother. However, God (Jesus and God are to me, one in the same, interchangeable) - has melted my heart.
I've always known that God was the answer, I was raised in church. I've read my bible while so high I burned the pages, and the cover of my older bible -- because I passed out while trying to read. I used to be very ashamed of this - but now I know that God has forgiven me for all my past mistakes. Several of the pages are burned in my attempt to draw closer to God - and I was even in church at the time, while throwing back anywhere from 4-7 lorcetts at a time. I was just in the throws of my addiction. I was so condemned that most Sundays, I went to the alter and asked for forgiveness, IF I hadn't passed out in church. I hate to think how I must have looked to my Lord. I hate to think of the shame I caused my Mom. She was the adult sunday school teacher - and here was her daughter - high as a kite. The problem with being high, you don't think other people notice it, that's how denial works in the brain... It's a safety mechanism.
At any rate, if you want to know if I've been there... I've been there. The whole town must have been laughing at me - or feeling sorry for me one. My disease did not care. I don't think God cared either - you see because much to many's belief -- God does not judge like we think, and He was not mad at me. He looked upon me with the compassion and mercy that He always does those who seek Him. I was seeking. Invariably I knew that I had a problem, I just didn't either want to stop, didn't know what to do about the physical pain - or the emotional pain - so the addiction won. I had not grown to understand that God is the ultimate healer of it all. It took me several years, hitting bottom a few times, to understand this fully.
We try as humans ( I guess we are just hardwired like this) to do things on our own. It is the part of us that feels like we can do it alone. I wrote to a friend just yesterday and told him that he wasn't the "universal solider" and that he needed help with his life. He is at bottom and cannot seem to find a way out. Why we won't ask for help is beyond me. Other than we seem to think that we have to have "all out ducks in a row" to call upon God. Nothing could be further from the truth. Despair, loneliness, depression and the like are all times when we need Jesus the most. I guess because we can't see Him, He isn't a valuable option? Faith. We have it in other things, but not God. Wonder why? He is always our last resort. In actuality He, should be our first - in all things. I suppose it is a matter of what one believes. I know one thing, we give our minds inordinate tasks to do -- things that the mind was not designed for. We ask the mind to handle our emotions, drive our cars, calculate our finances, move our bodies, replenish our cells every 24 hours - most of those things the mind can do - however the mind cannot handle your grief. It's not hardwired to do that, this is why we have emotions. Trust me, God knew what He was doing when He gave us feelings. So our stress elevates. The expectation just too huge. It's on overload - so you get mad at the kids, bark at your spouse, and miffed at your boss. The list goes on and on -- until you have road rage, and the like. This is what has happened in our society. We've all given our minds the job of our souls. Most of us, are wounded at best.
To love the Lord. To believe in something greater than ourselves - not the sun, the moon, the stars - for God put them into existence. Unless you believe we came from monkeys...........then this blog isn't going to sit well with you.
Mark 12:29-31 Jesus answered him (for a scribe had asked Him which of the commandments is first of all?), The first of all the commandments is: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no greater commandment than these.
Love. Isn't that amazing? Jesus is all about love. Something we all know and are actually hardwired to do - we love our families, our spouses, our pets --- our stuff! Our homes, our cars -- the list can be endless -- but what about God? Where are you with Him?
I challenge you today to look at these glorious trees. Listen to these lovely song birds of spring - singing for a mate. The awakening of our planet. If these things are not evidence of a power greater than we are, then what is?
Love abounds. If one will allow it. Love of life, breath, spirit. Be kind, be compassionate. Find that small still voice inside of you that questions if a man came, lived a perfect life - yet died for all of us on a cross - so that we may have life, and have it more abundantly --- and most of all, never see death. See if there isn't an inkling of belief --- and fan the flame.