Friday, May 23, 2014

Chaos living with lies....

This has been what my life has been for the last few weeks.  I made a huge mistake in trusting someone - and it's been a living nightmare.  I've been living with a liar.  I'm not sure why this happened, nor why this person has been  placed in my life - but it has been as challenging a time (with exception to my father passing) as I've ever been through.  The hard part being, I once thought that this person cared about me.  Man was I ever wrong.  It could not be more evident now - and the fact remains, that these types of individuals don't care about anyone, but themselves.  There isn't even any chance of communication, because everything is focused on the other person's needs.  When someone gets involved in a manner of two days after a break-up.... something is VERY wrong with this individual.  There is another agenda at play.  I would offer a guess -- but I don't want to be rude, nor sink to other's level.

I've had my character trashed, due to my getting angry after being placed in an untenable situation.  Everyone has breaking points, but I just wonder, if the truth was known --- how others would have responded in such a situation.  However, these times when I did become angry have been the highlight and embellishment of the communication about me, and I've been deemed as "mean".  Now I'll be the first to tell anyone, I do have a temper --- I fight very hard, and have given warning, not to push me to such a position.  But, I don't see how anyone who's had lies told about them, bold faced lies, is expected to respond?  Granted, if the shoe had been on the other foot, an I was holding them captive, and playing mind games --- I would imagine that it would have been much worse than how I responded.  Do unto others....meant nothing.  It's been more like, "I got mine, and you have nothing...."  When people seem to gain pleasure at your misfortune, it's very hard to swallow.  But I've never in my life met a person that can be one way one minute (this is how all the friends are fooled) and so damned evil the next.  But I've seen it in action.  I was made promises, and NONE of this was true, all the way down to the amount of education that this person so called has.  If they had, they'd know how to have a real relationship.  I've seen first hand the inability to even have the tiniest of empathy.  It's all about them, no matter what it is.  It is hard, almost impossible to deal with anyone like this.  It's infuriating.

I'm a creature of the truth and I have been for a long time.  I don't lie, and it's been that way since I was a child.  I'd tell the truth even if I was going to get into trouble.  I don't get liars.  Especially self proclaimed liars.  How do these people live with themselves?  The trouble really began when I started seeing through this persons false personality.  I won't do just anything for money --- but some people will.  Some people will and not batt an eye.  These kind of people scare me.  Big time.  Especially the ones that seem to have no problems with manipulating, stealing, and lying.  This just is not me.  I hate to have to ask to borrow money - little alone do some of the things that were done in my presence.  This does not include the things of mine that were sold without my permission, and with out my knowledge until I noticed that it was gone.  Yeah, despicable.  But what's being said is that I'm the mooch - living here for free -- but what's not known is that I'm cleaning, washing, taking care of her dog -- and most of the time picking up after her.  I even offered my bed for her to sleep on and I'd take the couch.  I've bought all the food for the last three months, and paid all the utilities, and then some.  But I'm hateful, and mean.  When the fact of the matter is that what's been done to me, all that's been done to me in attempts to break me.  And I know that this is because I'm christian, I've certainly had that thrown in my face enough.  This coming from a person who wouldn't care if God sad down beside them - they'd still lie.

I don't care who reads this.  I really don't care.  I've had enough of how horrible I am when it's lies.  I heard it come out of someone else's mouth yesterday, "well you know she lies"....  There's nothing like affirmation!!!  I've lost so much and all because I trusted someone for who they said that they were.  BIG mistake.  Now I'm suffering the consequences.  Boy am I.  But, I walked into this situation.  It's really dampened my spirit in humans.  It was said, "you've been treated so badly"... and I've been through much, much more through this by far than any other relationship than I've EVER.  I wouldn't doubt what the new relationship did start before this one ended to tell the truth.  I'd confronted it and I was right on target, but of course I got a lie.  It was admitted to two weeks later... LIAR LIAR LIAR.  It's okay, I surely don't want that in my life - EVER.  I don't doubt that everything that's been said about me is a lie.  But it's okay, there not my friends, and they will find out what this person's made of.  Ugly people can't stay covered up forever.  God does not like ugly.

I'll come through this-- a better, stronger, woman.  It's going to transport me to a better place.  I say that I've lost faith in people but not in my Lord.  No weapon formed against me shall prosper!  What man uses for evil, God will use for good.  I know this.  I will get my life back together - it may take some time, but I'll recover.  I won't trust so easily next time though.  People have agenda's.  I sure found one that did.  I just didn't make enough money.  That's what it all  boils down to.  Money.  I know it.  I refuse to believe anything else.

Beware of people promising the moon and stars.  Especially if they don't own them....   Especially if they're's no wonder in their life.  I made the mistake of getting involved with an ungodly person and man have I paid for it.  With everything that I have, and I am.  Getting away from God bring chaos.  I dislike chaos.  I crave peace.  Some folks live for drama.  I'm not compatible with that.  Anything that takes me away from God, I should know better.  I made a huge mistake.  Trust me, I'm paying for it, in more ways than one can imagine.  I was never cared for, only what I could do.  It wasn't enough -- so I was abandoned.... literally.  But I wasn't supposed to be upset about that.  It's a mystery to me.  People that love drama and chaos always are.

If only I would have listened to my gut.  God Bless and let this be a warning to you..... if the holy spirit inside of you is giving you pause, listen to it, I didn't and it was one of the worst mistakes of my life.

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