Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Faith is Home

Awe...  I'm in awe.  Awe of Jesus.  Yep, that's how this one is starting out.  Bam!  Right off the bat.  You see, I'm home.  Warm, cozy, clean (well it's getting there), safe, secure, peaceful - home.  I can actually unpack and decorate.  I was living out of boxes.  I'd hit a rough patch back there - whew what a rough patch.  However, Glory be to God, that's all behind me now.  Transformation.  It's an amazing thing.  Drastic changes sure test the faith.  It tempers the heart as well - and I don't know about you - but my faith is connected to my heart.  That's where Jesus lives too.  I think I'm fickle sometimes though, and perhaps we all are to a degree - I don't know.  However, I wish that my faith didn't wane.  It feels like it gets weak.  I don't like that.  I guess I should  say, I'd like it stronger - yet through this last bump in the road of life, my faith was stronger.  I had human emotions and normal responses I believe.  I didn't snap.  I did get very angry twice.  I recall regretting it, and I cried.  Emotions are an amazing thing - and our response to life.  We can but only do what we know how to do.  Our responses or our reactions are almost hard-wired.  We are going to respond according to how we believe we're being treated in our minds.  Regardless of how we're actually being treated in reality.  See, our thoughts are not necessarily reality.  Our beliefs about particular situations, outcomes and how things come into play have everything to do with our mindset.  It's all about what you 'expect' to happen.  Chew on that for a minute.  It might illuminate something for someone completely.

 We live in our own little private worlds.  We have drives and desires all our own that no one knows about.  Yet we expect other people to treat us a certain way --- only we haven't told them.  We want them to read our minds and guess from our behaviors.  We actually want what we want but we want it- without asking!!! It's a cop out on our part.   So say you walk into a restaurant and just stand there. What do you think you'll get?  Nothing.  Now how do you expect (dang, there's that word again) other people in your life to just guess what you need?  Nuff said.

I guess I'm in teaching mode this morning... got off the beaten path a bit... I miss teaching.  I miss my job.  My life is fixing to explode.  I know this.  God is doing amazing things in my life.  I claim it!  Fulfillment, Abundance, Prosperity!!!  Love, Life, Friends, Joy!!!  And those are just the "openers"...

My home is very peaceful with exception of a barking dog now and then.  I'm up high so the windows can be opened and man do the birds ever sing!  I have trees in every window - so there is a daily concert of various glorious birds singing beautifully starting early...  With the weather we've been having in the low 50's and 60's I've had the window's open and night and all 5 of the fans running.  I'm in ceiling fan heaven.  I can't wait to get pretty pull chains.  Lots of things that make an apartment a home.  I don't even have a couch.  I need lots of things - but that's just it... there things.  That will come in time.  I need a washer and drier first because of the stairs... I've been having nerve pain down one leg on top of the pain I'm already in.  It's okay - It will subside, it's from carrying boxes down and backup stairs.  Whew, I'm so grateful that is over.  I owe my friend a debt of gratitude.  She was a trooper.

My faith is stronger, and I'm willing to step out into it more.  It's an amazing thing stepping out into faith.  When I've done it, God ran to meet me.  I'm still not stepping out like I know the Lord wants me to, but He has reminded me three or four times now.  I guess I'd better take heed.  Not in a "command" type of spirit - but  more of a re-rising up in me of the holy spirit about what I wrote in my previous blog.  There's things that I need to purge out of my life.  God has spoken to me about it.  He used scripture to do it, and I've not done it.  I know in my heart of hearts that if the Lord is going to truly use me, what I have to do.  Now the willingness is on Gina's part and heart.  I'll either listen to it and take heed, or I will not.  This isn't the first time that this has arisen in my spirit.  I need to talk to my Pastor too.  I speak of transformation and I'm delaying my own.

I think I just made my mind up.  That's really all it takes.  A simple decision.  Then my heart won't hurt anymore.  Isn't it silly to fight with what God wants for you?  It really is when you know it's all good, because all good things come from God.  I had to understand that I wasn't doing something from a place of "do good to get good."  I'm going to be obedient to God because He spoke to my heart, not because I believe it's tied to my salvation.  I needed to know it came out of a place of rest.  I'm still processing it.  That's why I want to see Pastor.

I find myself growing more willing everyday.  It's getting closer.  Without faith it is impossible to please God.  That is what the bible says.  I don't believe that is condemning (looking down in judgment) - which is what condemnation is from the greek meaning.  I'm not certain of the context of "without" but I will find out from my pastor.

To be continued....

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