Sunday, July 27, 2014

Life: Full circle round

Life.  It sure has a way of making it's way back around to us, in so many ways.  This morning, as with many mornings, I'm so very grateful - but today I have a concrete reason.  Usually I'm just happy - because it's just who Gina is - but today I have specific thoughts and feelings.  My life as of late has just been crazy amazing.  It's not that it's problem free - or that there aren't things that I need, because there are.  I guess I just keep things in there proper perspective.  I find great pleasure and gratitude in the things most folks don't even think about.  I guess one could say --- I'm a simple girl, but then again I'm not.... Have I confused you enough yet???  LOL  See, I'm grateful for hot showers, a roof over my head, food to eat, people that love me, and sunshine.  It really doesn't take much for me to be happy.  I like this about myself.  I think this makes me the kind of person that others want to be near.  At least this is my hope.  It's pleasurable to be around happy it not?  I think so.  I try.  However, there are times when I get weary - and wish I knew what God's purpose is for me - and I feel like I'm not making any progress in life.  I feel like at my age - I "should" (oh how I've grown to dislike the shoulds") be in a different "place."  Don't ask me where, or doing what - because I couldn't tell you, other than I wish deeply to be helping people with their lives.  Help them grow and become what God would have them to be.  And you know, I forget.  I don't realize.  I am not capable of seeing myself in the world - nor do I know what kind of impact I've made in years past, or now even.  This is the heart of this particular blog.  Knowing our worth.  I suppose after my last two blogs, it is a natural progression.  

I don't have lots of friends.  Not that one can count on many fingers.  However, the ones that I do have - are rare and true.  They keep me on track, and they keep me centered.  I need that, for I can be a wayward child at times -- I am such a creature driven by my emotions.  It's a hard way to live sometimes, especially because I'm also very analytical - and there is a fight between my head and my heart most everyday about something.  It's getting better - I'm learning to listen to the holy spirit, which is pretty much tied to my intuition -- but the deciphering of all of this has taken some time.  I've made mistakes, and I've lived the consequences.  I'm still learning to be obedient - and sometimes it's hard.  Alas, I tell myself - it is only as hard as one makes it.  Everything involves trust.  Trust of self, of God -- but it is getting so much easier.  

I received a call from a very dear friend the other evening.  Actually she is more that a friend, but for sake of this blog - we're just going to say that she's someone incredibly special from my past.  In essence - we grew up together.  Not like most folks would think - but we grew together, nonetheless.  I went through some very difficult days of depression, anxiety, and ultimately betrayal with her.  It was not pretty at times...  We've reconnected again in life and I must say, she has become a phenomenal woman.  Everything that I could have wanted for her - and actually saw in her potential has come to fruition, and then some.  I'm so proud of and for her.  I'm so happy that she reconnected with me.  For a multitude of reasons.  Mainly - she is an amazing person and I'm honored to have her in my life again, and humbled by her forgiveness.  

I'd started this blog out at "life."  There was a reason that I did this.  It wasn't just because my friend and I reconnected - but actually what has transpired.  My friend and I talk from time to time, mostly I don't bother her, and I let her contact me -- for I know that her life is full.  I'm kind of like that -- I give people respectful space.  Albeit I needed to talk this evening and I texted her.  As to be expected - she got back to me but I was not prepared for what she shared.  For about 45 minutes she proceeded to tell me what a difference that I'd made in her life... and other peoples lives.  And I was in awe.  She painted a picture of a very unique individual.... someone that I've ascribed to be.  The amazing thing here was that she was sharing about me.  There are no words to describe how that felt or what that experience was like.  It is beyond words when what you work so hard at portraying in life - is indeed how some one experiences you.  There just aren't words.  

The really crazy part is that she doesn't want anything from me, and there are no expectations, no motives in her sharing this with me.  It's a miracle really when one thinks about it.... to be validated on that level.  She held up a mirror and said, "This is who you are, who you've always been, and you're incredible!"  I know that isn't the word that she used, but it's the same message.  All I can think of is what a gift forgiveness is, and how awesome life is.  I needed to hear every word that she spoke to me that night.  It still resonates in my spirit.  The huge part is that there is someone out there in this big world that really knows me and knows my worth.  Honors it, cherishes it, treasures it.  How precious is this?  What a gift from God!!!  At this particular time, my life has come full circle round with her - and even after everything that her and I went through together --she still loves.  This is pretty astonishing.  But she's pretty astonishing!  
 Life, we just never know what's in store for us.  We never know what blessings God has  on cue.....  However, rest assured - life comes full circle round.... know your worth via good friends, always keep striving to be the best version (the only version) of you.  My wish for you is that you have an experience like I did, and one day (or two) be validated for all that you are.  There is such beauty in living in accordance with one's values and truths.  For me, I think it all boils down to loving people, living life, and seeing good days... despite all that I go through with illnesses that no one can see.  It demands that I work harder than the average individual, just to get up most days.  But this day, my very dear friend made everything so very worthwhile.  I thank her from the bottom of my heart..... @}>~~~~~

1 comment:

  1. You are an incredible person....don't you ever forget that! Yes we do have an incredible past together and yes we grew up together, but life (and God) shape us in the long run. You are an incredible person and you do impact are just not able to see beyond your own perception of who you are. You gave me so much...both good and bad, but our relationship has helped me become the person I am today and I am both grateful and thankful for that. Sure, you hurt me...but I hurt you too. Its a fact of life. But God quietly directs us. Don't forget that. I'm grateful he put you in my life (even though you hurt me in ways word will never to be able to describe). Just know I forgave you a long time ago and it's important to.have you (your wisdom, love, insight and beauty) in my life. Thank you for believing in me!