I don't have lots of friends. Not that one can count on many fingers. However, the ones that I do have - are rare and true. They keep me on track, and they keep me centered. I need that, for I can be a wayward child at times -- I am such a creature driven by my emotions. It's a hard way to live sometimes, especially because I'm also very analytical - and there is a fight between my head and my heart most everyday about something. It's getting better - I'm learning to listen to the holy spirit, which is pretty much tied to my intuition -- but the deciphering of all of this has taken some time. I've made mistakes, and I've lived the consequences. I'm still learning to be obedient - and sometimes it's hard. Alas, I tell myself - it is only as hard as one makes it. Everything involves trust. Trust of self, of God -- but it is getting so much easier.
I received a call from a very dear friend the other evening. Actually she is more that a friend, but for sake of this blog - we're just going to say that she's someone incredibly special from my past. In essence - we grew up together. Not like most folks would think - but we grew together, nonetheless. I went through some very difficult days of depression, anxiety, and ultimately betrayal with her. It was not pretty at times... We've reconnected again in life and I must say, she has become a phenomenal woman. Everything that I could have wanted for her - and actually saw in her potential has come to fruition, and then some. I'm so proud of and for her. I'm so happy that she reconnected with me. For a multitude of reasons. Mainly - she is an amazing person and I'm honored to have her in my life again, and humbled by her forgiveness.
I'd started this blog out at "life." There was a reason that I did this. It wasn't just because my friend and I reconnected - but actually what has transpired. My friend and I talk from time to time, mostly I don't bother her, and I let her contact me -- for I know that her life is full. I'm kind of like that -- I give people respectful space. Albeit I needed to talk this evening and I texted her. As to be expected - she got back to me but I was not prepared for what she shared. For about 45 minutes she proceeded to tell me what a difference that I'd made in her life... and other peoples lives. And I was in awe. She painted a picture of a very unique individual.... someone that I've ascribed to be. The amazing thing here was that she was sharing about me. There are no words to describe how that felt or what that experience was like. It is beyond words when what you work so hard at portraying in life - is indeed how some one experiences you. There just aren't words.
The really crazy part is that she doesn't want anything from me, and there are no expectations, no motives in her sharing this with me. It's a miracle really when one thinks about it.... to be validated on that level. She held up a mirror and said, "This is who you are, who you've always been, and you're incredible!" I know that isn't the word that she used, but it's the same message. All I can think of is what a gift forgiveness is, and how awesome life is. I needed to hear every word that she spoke to me that night. It still resonates in my spirit. The huge part is that there is someone out there in this big world that really knows me and knows my worth. Honors it, cherishes it, treasures it. How precious is this? What a gift from God!!! At this particular time, my life has come full circle round with her - and even after everything that her and I went through together --she still loves. This is pretty astonishing. But she's pretty astonishing!
Life, we just never know what's in store for us. We never know what blessings God has on cue..... However, rest assured - life comes full circle round.... know your worth via good friends, always keep striving to be the best version (the only version) of you. My wish for you is that you have an experience like I did, and one day (or two) be validated for all that you are. There is such beauty in living in accordance with one's values and truths. For me, I think it all boils down to loving people, living life, and seeing good days... despite all that I go through with illnesses that no one can see. It demands that I work harder than the average individual, just to get up most days. But this day, my very dear friend made everything so very worthwhile. I thank her from the bottom of my heart..... @}>~~~~~