Showing posts from August, 2014

Kid Fears.....

Never Good Enough.  That one stands out for me like a sharp knife.  Empty.  Crushed.   These things.... the pain that we hide.  And what it does to us.  Pain has a voice, whether it be distrust, fear, or anger - but believe you me --- it has a voice, and it demands to be heard.  
This song resonates with me so much.  I can see my childhood in it.  My hiding places.  I can feel the fear that I had as a child when I listen to it.  How sad, how truly sad.  I can say that today --- my connection with this is brief, and I can come back up into today's reality --- but I remember the time when I could not.  When fear was my every breath.  This is why I write of transformation ...of healing, and growth, because I've lived it.  I've crossed that great divide and embraced that searing pain.  I know that it is possible to come through it -- I'm living proof.  
I've had the occasion as of late to bristle up with a bit of that pain once again from days of old.  See our journey…

Believers in search.

This little book is called, "Jesus Calling", by Sarah Young.  I adore it.  I read it most mornings.  I particularly like this entry.  This book is to me, like Jesus Himself is speaking to me.

I've had the occasion as of late to have a few people pretty much tell me that I'm not healed because I'm not speaking it - or either I'm not believing it - etc.  It seems to me that I'm having other people's beliefs placed upon me.  I've even been told by someone that I love dearly --- that my pain is a "demon".   I do not believe this.  I went to see my Pastor over that one.  It upset me quite a lot.  Matter of fact - I'm upset now -- because I believe that I'm being told to believe things that just aren't agreeing with my spirit man.  Not that what has been told to me isn't perhaps biblical, which is what is difficult -- but the reason for this blog is for those of us that haven't received healing --- what are we to think/be…


I didn't entitle this blog specifically as to what kind of pain for a reason.  I say this because I think we all experience it the same.  Pain - I believe is universal.  I believe it to be a language that we all understand on some level... albeit emotional, mental or physical.  I believe it all depends upon what we do with it is what matters.  I suppose I have to believe this way --- because I've had to embrace it head on, full blown.  If I don't watch closely - it will try to own me.  It's an everyday struggle for me -  and it has been for a long, long, time.

Pain sharpens the mind.  It can't but not.  It whittles away at your sanity.  Chip by chip, by chip.    Hour by hour.  Sometimes, minute by minute.  Depending upon how intense it is.  However, the oddity of it is in the severity of it all - to look at you, no one would dare know there's anything going on at all with you.  You "look" - fine....  Except  you don't act, nor can you -- act or B…

Answered Prayer

I had a chance to bless someone last night - and it was the answer to a prayer.  I'd ask God to bless me so that I could in turn be a blessing and it happened.  It wasn't on a huge scale - but it was an answer to a prayer nonetheless.  Not that I'd "down-play" answered prayer - ever.

I've been noticing how God has been answering prayer in my life as of late.  It seems everywhere I look, it's an answer to a prayer.  What a mighty Lord!

Yesterday wasn't the best of days for me.  I didn't feel well.  I guess I went back to bed three or four times trying to escape a nagging headache.  I'd had it since waking up.  I've not felt well in what seems days.  Not bad enough to really complain - but I don't complain much.  I live with pain levels in the sevens most of the time, but I just keep going.  I keep a good attitude, and I realize after years of living with chronic pain --- what choice do I have?  I can sit around and be miserable - or g…