It's been an interesting couple of weeks since moving in, we've gotten through almost all of the boxes - my oh my how much stuff a person accumulates in a few years time. I got nicknacks that I don't know what to do with, and don't want to discard, everywhere. I had almost unlimited shelf space at the other apartment, thus creating lots of collecting of trinkets - and now that I've downsized, there just isn't a place to set them. Oh well, I've got storage this time round, and I suppose that is where they'll land. It's just that sometimes it's hard to part with the things that you love, especially the things that your used to seeing everyday...even if it is just to put them away for a while. I'm a sentimental old fool I suppose - things remind me of events and people, and I like this. I'm fully aware that people take priority over things, but for me they are connected at least in this life.
I'm going through medical stuff again, appointments and such. I just found out yesterday that my thyroid is off. Great... another medication. More side affects. I'm up now, after not sleeping - laying there thinking from 9:00 p.m (when I went to bed) and finally frustrated I got up at midnight. This is a lovely side affect of the new med, no sleep. However, it makes sense, because I've been horribly fatigued. I just thought it was my fibromyalgia. I'd went in last week almost in tears with this move asking for a B12 shot because I was so tired. Life eh? So we'll see what happens now.
I wanted to write because I've been so blessed this month. I don't know how I'd of made it if it hadn't of been for the people in my life. The thing is that it all happened so casually and so effortlessly. I've been without money pretty much since the month began. Attempting to pay the bills that I have and get by on my income is almost impossible. I've had no extra - period in the last few months since I have not been able to work -- especially with that high rent that I was paying. My money would hit, and as soon as I paid my bills, I had little if no money left for food, gas, or anything else. God has just always provided throughout the month somehow - be it credit cards or other sources. But this month - in the last few days it's been friends. I am so grateful for this. I found myself with little food for the last few days of the month and God provided. I knew that I would make it, I could find something to eat - it wouldn't be what I wanted to eat - but still, Id eat. But I was blessed. Gas money - food money, and more. It's amazing to watch God work right in front of your eyes like this. It humbles my heart. I'm no one special - but He loves me still. He loves me a lot and I know this, I know this because of His Word - and because of my life. It isn't a life that one can really say is overly successful - but hey- I'm alive, I'm not throwing 6-7 pills down my throat 3-4 times a day anymore, I don't drink daily - and I'm not a bitter, angry, resentful wreck of a human being. There's something to be said for this. I could be. But I'm not. I cannot say that I love myself yet (that's going to take more work) but I do like who Gina is. Believe it or not that took a tremendous amount of work to be able to say that, and mean it. The amazing thing is that I know peace today. A peace that I've never known. Peace from the grace of God. That's already in my blog (earlier posts)....but I can't ever speak about it enough, it is so precious to me.
I do have a conundrum. I don't recall if I ever mentioned that I was feeding a small brood of cats at my other apartment. I cannot even remember how this started really. I believe it began with a mother and her kittens. I call her "Momma", she's a very sweet Calico that I of course felt for and began feeding a few years back, and it turned in to what is now 7 cats strong. I'm still going back over there and feeding them. I'm at a loss as to what to do with them. They had became like my little family - and now I don't know what to do with them. They are dependent upon me, and my landlord's wife is pretty adamant that the will starve if I don't continue to feed them. Two of the males are pretty docile - and I believe at one point they have been inside cats. They used to run inside my apartment when I opened the door to feed them, and I know Momma cat had been inside before. I'm 12 days out and haven't a clue what to do for these felines. They need a country home. There are two of Momma's babies that are kind of wild, no one can touch them but me - and they all come running when I pull up. I wish I knew what to do - from what I understand no kill shelters won't take ferrel cats. At least that is what I've been told. I'm going to pray about it. God will answer my prayers.
I look forward to being better off financially - and getting my credit back on track. I know that I can do this - I know I can. It's interesting - it feels different in this new space. I don't feel as depressed - I don't know if it because everything is so new or what but it definitely has a different feel. I'm so glad of that. It feels like a new beginning in my life. I'm all about new beginnings - and new chapters. Praise God! So far I've been so blessed -- I know it and I feel it and I thank God for it. All I really want out of life at this point is for God to bless me so I can bless someone else, this has always been my prayer. I don't care about grand schemes or big dreams, that's just not me. Let me loose in nature, and let me help someone - that's the kind of stuff that makes me happy. Cooking for people that I love. Seeing the smiles on their faces and hearing their "yums". It's really simple for me. Yes I think about complex things at times, but I will always be a simple girl.
Thank you, all of you that read my posts. It gladdens my heart. It is for you that I write. I just hope on some level I inspire. This is my aim. May God bless you richly - and heartily, and answer your prayers as He does mine. Life is not random. Take television and news-stories with a grain of salt - remember heartwarming, God filled things don't make front page news. God is mostly suppressed in the media. Remember that. It's really easy to get caught up in worldly stuff. It's really depressing. God understands, but He can't hardly reach you there. It's too noisy. Try and sit quietly once in a while and see what He has to say. This is the other part of prayers and meditation. Quiet. How else can He (or the holy spirit) speak to you? We need quite time. I hope you can find some. It's the pathway to peace... precious peace.
God Bless you until next time.