Monday, November 12, 2012
Things that bind us.
I tend to think we need to feel connected to other humans. I believe that our lives, and what we've been through in our paths, connect us. That is, if we're willing to share it with another human. This involves risk. The greater, or more difficult the journey - the greater the risk in disclosing our journey. I think too, that pain shared, is pain lessoned. Pain is very sharp when experienced alone. I know this, from the grief of my father - and my own struggle with depression.
Most of what I know - as it is with most individuals - is from our life experience. It is "common" knowledge. Common to me because I've lived it. Every experience that I've gone through has made me a stronger and wiser human. I say this because I utilize experience as a learning tool. Even mistakes - I view as learning opportunities. It is no longer a mistake when seen this way. It was a life learning opportunity in which I made mind challenging choices. If I learn, I don't re-behave in the like manor.
I was speaking to a veteran today about our needing a common thread to each other in the times that we face. Jobs are hard to find, and pay is low - food - gas - and goods are high. Stress is ever increasing. I believe that the answer to many of these things are human contact and compassion for one another. He is a Vietnam Vet - can you imagine his experience? His reintegration with everyday life?
Sharing our burdens, lightens our loads. Perspective, and mindset says a great deal as well - I am not a believer of seeing life as a 'burden'... but to look at life's challenges as just that. I believe in staying in the day - and conquering what lies before us - and having a focus. I am one of those people that believes that miracles still happen, if we but stay aware of the fact that they're possible. The ability that we have to challenge ourselves merely with our thinking, is astronomical. I say this with a depressed mind, who oft times has to push daily to achieve the smallest of tasks. I do not proclaim these things lightly - I have had to train my mind to see life as I do. I have spent weeks away from human contact, at one of my lowest points. I've arrived at these thoughts, due to hardship and much mental suffering.
Coping skills aren't always hardwired. We learn how to respond to life in our families. We pick up some skills as we watch the world around us, but the majority of skill comes from our core family. If one came up in an alcoholic or addictive family - the coping skills are not going to be healthy. The difficult part is, those of us that did, do not know that our skills are subnormal. This is where those that love us, and if one is so inclined - professionals come in. Relationships at best are hard. They are extremely difficult for someone from an alcoholic home. Families with an alcoholic parent - kept secrets - and told lies to cover up the parent's behavior. It is ingrown. There is also denial of difficulties in life. We just don't deal with things like other people do. We don't trust. There has dare I say - 90% of the time been some form of abuse - be it emotional, physical or sexual. Recovery is much needed. How does a person that came from a home like this, no matter how healthy they think they are, have a healthy relationship? This is just one form of a human that needs other humans --- caring, nurturing - compassionate humans.
I do not have all the answers. I do however, think about my fellow man. I give of myself. It doesn't make me any better, it just means I try to be aware as I can. My choice of life's work was to help a particular population. I'm just a people person. Some, are not. I would just ask anyone to try. Be mindful. Be mindful of another's journey. If you find this blog thought producing... share your thoughts. Try and find common bonds with people. You never know when you may make someone feel a little bit like they belong when they haven't felt that way in a long, long time. I believe we're put here to work together - to help each other. To work harder at finding our similarities than our differences. One might have to work a little harder, but I think you'll find it worth your while in the long run. We get out of life what we put into it, and this is really quite simple. Yes, there might be times when we get taken advantage of - but you were the greater person for what you tried to do. Everyone has been touched by something in life, and it has changed you - hopefully for your betterment. These experiences are in our lives as guide posts and perhaps not just for us. Let what you've learned propel you forward. Sharing shouldn't have stopped in kindergarden. Use your life's experience to connect to others. I think you'll be amazing at the end result.